---
title: Letters from My Postpartum Psychosis
description: On August 20, 2023, I was admitted to the ER and was diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis (PPP).
image: https://www.rowenawinkler.com/hubfs/Feature%20Images/Letters%20from%20my%20Postpartum%20Psychosis%20Feature%20Image.png
---

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    - [Letters from My Postpartum Psychosis](https://www.rowenawinkler.com/letters-from-my-postpartum-psychosis)

## **Letters from My Postpartum Psychosis**

### So Here's What Happened...

On August 20, 2023, I was admitted to the ER and diagnosed with Postpartum Psychosis (PPP).

According to [the National Library of Medicine](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544304/), PPP is "characterized by extreme confusion, loss of touch with reality, paranoia, delusions, disorganized thought process, and hallucinations." [Postpartum Support International (PSI)](https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/postpartum-psychosis-help/)states that it occurs in approximately 0.1% of births and the onset is sudden and often happens within the first 2 weeks postpartum.  

Recovery can take up to a year, so at the time of this writing (one month since my initial ER visit) I certainly have a ways to go in terms of my recovery. However, as I've learned in a recent [PSI support group meeting](https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/#toggle-id-13), "*healing is not linear.*" With that in mind, part of my healing process is to write about what happened to me as a way to spread awareness of this rare mental illness. 

#### Sharing My Story: The Intention & The Format

This is a nuanced, multi-faceted story that may look completely different from another mother going through this. So please keep that in mind while reading my posts — *this is my lived experience, told the best way I can given how sick I was. *

Also, I've decided to write my experience as a series of letters from my psychotic self. One, because for me, that version of myself was a completely different person, and it helps to compartmentalize in this way to make sense of what occurred. And secondly, as a survivor of this illness, writing these letters represent the complicated relationship I have with PPP. This writing is cathartic, and allows me to move past the shame and guilt of not being present for my family. Through these letters, I am getting closer to understanding that in my healing I'm becoming a better, healthier version of myself for them.

![Rowie and Robbie Roo](https://www.rowenawinkler.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog%20Posts/Rowie%20and%20Robbie%20Roo.jpg?width=330&height=440&name=Rowie%20and%20Robbie%20Roo.jpg)

 

#### The Letters

> [Letter #1: My Arrival](https://blog.rowenawinkler.com/letter-1-my-arrival?hsLang=en)
> 
> [Letter #2: My First Stay](https://blog.rowenawinkler.com/letter-2-my-first-stay?hsLang=en)
> 
> [Letter #3: My First Discharge from the Hospital](https://blog.rowenawinkler.com/letter-3-my-first-discharge-from-the-hospital?hsLang=en)
> 
> [Letter #4: My Second Stay & Day Hospital Program](https://blog.rowenawinkler.com/letter-4-my-second-stay-and-day-hospital-program?hsLang=en)
> 
> [Letter #5: My Future in Recovery and Beyond](https://blog.rowenawinkler.com/letter-5-my-future-in-recovery-and-beyond?hsLang=en)

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